Summer's almost over

These are the fruits of my labor, well veggies in this case. I planted 2 tomato plants, 1 grape tomato plant, 1 cherry tomato plant, 2 green pepper plants, 2 squash plants, and 2 zucchini plants. From the 2 large tomato plants we haven't even gotten 1 edible tomato, from the grape tomato plant only one, a slow but steady stream from the cherry tomato plant, only 2 actual squash, quite a few very yummy green peppers (which I get to keep all to myself since my hubby can't eat them, sorry babe!) and zip-zilch-zero zucchini. In fact I think both zucchini plants are completely D-E-A-D. Yesterday I picked the smallest cherry tomato I've ever seen! Here it is compared to a dime!And in case you missed the sunrise this morning, it looked like this:

Unexpected Guests

Our neighbor Ed called me yesterday and told me to look out my front window, I wasn't sure what I'd see but I never expected 2 peacocks! They were just taking a leisurely stroll through my front yard. I hopped off the right hand side of my porch to take a few pictures when the brightly colored one came straight for me! As I back up I heard Ed yell across the street "Where ya gonna go now?!" I hopped right back up on the porch! They walked down my driveway, nibbled at the curb and then took off down the road and up my parent's driveway.They picked at blueberry bushes, contemplated walking up the front porch steps until they settled on going around to the side of the house. I watched as they sauntered and got a little worked as I saw our cat taking a nap under a near by tree!Thankfully she paid them no mind, after lifting her head, taking a quick look at them she just laid her head back down. Later that evening my mom told me one was up in the top of one of their trees so I grabbed my camera and went over to have a look. I walked around the base of the tree to get a picture of the one still on the ground until it too decided to fly into the tree and land on a branch above my head! I thought it was coming after me and I ran up their front porch steps taking two at a time!

Red, White, and CAKE!

Today I made my first attempt at making a Red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. I figured with July 4th being tomorrow what better than a red and white cake! Maybe I should serve it on blue plates. I used Paula Deen's recipe that a friend recommended and as far as I can tell it turned out right, I've never made a cake from scratch to compare it to!

I started with this: It turned to this: It ended like this:

I thoroughly enjoyed baking this cake. I think my new goal will be making one new cake a month! I'll be sure to take a picture tomorrow as we cut into it's yummy goodness!

Appreciation

"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean." These lyrics ring in my head every time I set foot in the sand. I think sometimes I forget the vastness of our planet. Coming home from our recent trip to the beach I realize how much we take the beauty of creation for granted. Going to the ocean there's anticipation, excitement, joy in the memories the salty air and crashing waves brings us. I believe if you live at the beach you eventually lose the wonderment it brings you, unlike if you only visited it once a year. I pondered all of this as I walked my dog last night, looking up at the mountain to the left of my house. I looked up with appreciation and a smile at the place that I call home. The mountains I take for granted. Some days I wish I lived in the city where I didn't have to go into "town," curvy roads were optional, and a quick trip took less than an hour. I live in a place that others (usually from Florida) come to for vacation in the same way that I got to the beach to get away from the normalcy of life. Why is it that I forget to appreciate these mountains every day?Daisy woke around 6AM this morning and after I brought her to our bed I saw the most amazing sherbert orange glow out our bedroom window. I grabbed my camera and as I ran in my pajamas and barefoot across the wet lawn I prayed my neighbors were still sleeping.

Long time, no see.....

Well here it is, June 13th, almost 1 year since I took a hiatus from this little blog of mine to focus on the baby growing inside of me and share my excitement over at Oh Da Baby! Motherhood is simply breathtaking. It's all I imagined it would be and much more! Becoming a mom and focusing day in and day out on my daughter has made me also think a lot about myself. Where would my life be if I hadn't moved back "home" 3 years ago. Would I have experienced all the things I long for deep down in my soul? Would I have made up for lack of marriage and a baby with traveling and writing? Would I indulge my love of photography more, paint more, have more close-knit friends? I've thought a lot about "What ifs" as I've had extra time on my hands during long naps and playtime on the living room floor. Would my life be more or less? LESS. Much, much less!

In knowing this I also know my life is more than just diaper changer, "milk wagon", rattle shaker. I am my own person, more than just a mother. I can't just finish were I left off and now live vicariously through my daughter. Yes I have many hopes and dreams for her. Hopes that she'll live adventurously with reckless abandon and the smarts of a woman who knows her heart. I dream that she will get to do some of the things I never did, things I was too afraid to do. I pray she won't make some of the horrendous decision I made in my past.

In pondering all of the things I want for my daughter I have opened my eyes back to the things I wanted for myself. I want to volunteer at a hospital, gather a team for Relay For Life, start an Etsy shop, give more gifts, write a children's book series, tell stories through photography, see the world, own a VW camper, learn sign language. The list doesn't end in these words I write, it is ever growing and changing. I want to make sure I remain involved in hobbies I love so that one day when my children go off, get married and begin families of their own I don't end up saying now what? I know there will not always be tomorrow, so I better get a start on things right now.

My inspiration

In about a month Daniel and I will find out if we are having a little boy or little girl! Apparently I am in the nesting phase because I want nothing more than to decorate the little ones nursery! As I'm sure you know, not knowing the gender make this task rather difficult. So in the mean time I am going to tackle our very DRAB guest bedroom and transform it into something fabulous!


Terrible picture I know but it's hard to make a room look good when its crammed with furniture in the process of being refinished (hence the brown and white dresser) and slew of items needing to find a permanent home. I came across a Better Homes and Garden Creative Collection magazine in the grocery store the other day, flipped through it and fell in love with this room:


Unfortunately this picture doesn't do the pop of different blues and greens justice, but you catch the drift. I have yet to even get a clue as to how I will achieve this look, but you've got to start somewhere, right? And I think inspiration is a good place to start. Obviously I am going to be on the lookout for a lot more patterns and splashes of green! I already found a great green, orange, and blue pillow, a funky blue and green vase, and a little 3 drawer cabinet (not really sure what to call it but it looks like it would hold jewelry or trinkets) that is brown, blue and green to put on the dresser! Speaking of the dresser, it will probably be the most troublesome part of this whole revamp.
I LOVE this dresser that I got from Daniel's dad and stepmom! It's huge and has so much character and just so happens to be a great place to display my shoes until I find somewhere else to put them! As you can see in the first picture of the messy room I am doing my best to remove the white paint so I can then sand the stain away to uncover the bare wood. I've been using a flat edge tool my handyman of a hubby has to remove the paint because sanding this particular paint only resulted in it melting and being even tougher to remove from the dresser. Ah, this too shall pass! The only other problem I have than the tougher than nails paint is that once I've stripped this puppy down to what it's momma gave it I have no clue as to how I am going to paint it from there! Help! If you have any suggestions please feel free to give them and I'll try to diligently post updates as the room comes together!

SURPRISE!

I have started another blog! It's really just a temporary blog (I think). I recently found out my husband and I are expecting our first little bundle of joy! And I want to document the whole thing and keep long distance family and friends up to date! So here goes.... www.oh-da-baby.blogspot.com I plan on still continuing this little blog, it just won't be as baby focused as the other one! I would love for you to join me on this journey through pregnancy and into motherhood. I know it will be an adventure as life has proven to be thus far!

Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.....

YEAH RIGHT! We all know how this Christmas story begins, but this holiday season it does not stand true in my house. We have been over taken by a little creature I'd like to call Ratatouille. It all started a few weeks ago when I was packing lunch for work and opened a kitchen cabinet door and saw an unexpected pair of big brown eyes looking back at me from the top of a Cheese Its box. Startled, I screamed a blood curdling scream, JUMPED, and ran out of the room! I desperately needed to finish getting ready for work but couldn't get myself down from the chair i was squatting on in the living room. I called my hubby in a panic only to have him laugh hysterically, then I called my mom, our next door neighbor, who came over with a hand full of mouse traps.

She set a few of the traps for me and as we were both peering into the cabinet she saw the mouse, we both screamed, jumped, and ran out of the room! Needless to say I DO NOT like mice. No matter how many Disney movies or Christmas stories they may be in, they are not my idea of a furry little friend.

And on top of it all this little pest has been stealing and hiding our dogs food! We have found it in the most random place! In towels stacking on a shelf, a vase filled to the brim, and oddest of all, our printer! Daniel had to take the whole thing apart because he would hear the rattling but couldn't see the dog food! Needless to say I have had it up to here (hand gesture to my head height) with this little booger! First I was scared, now, I'm flat out pissed! I told Daniel not to be surprised if he sees me chase it down with a broom or a butcher knife!

Beautiful Chaos

Beautiful Chaos is the only way I can think of explaining my life at this moment. With much prayer and contemplation Daniel and I both realized that even though we wanted to go through with the move to Atlanta neither of us have actually heard a definite yes from God. So we decide we would continue to live in the mountains until God opened doors for us to leave when he had planned. Since we would be staying we desperately needed to find a bigger place to live. We were quickly running out of room in the little house we were in and had no additional space for entertaining or guest.

My parents know a couple who owns a rental house next door to theirs and the current tenants were being evicted for not paying rent for a YEAR! It is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath rancher with a detached apartment. My dad did a little bargaining with the landlords and they lowered rent $150 a month for us! He told them we couldn't pay as much as they were asking but we did promise to pay once a month! The house needed a little fixing up and since Daniel works on houses for a living we came up with a deal to fix up the house in exchange for getting our first months rent free! We were going to rent the apartment out to my foster sister who was wanting to move out but with her current job being seasonal it put a little damper on the financial side of things. In the end we were able to rent it out to Daniel's best friend Caleb, a former marine, who is in school part time and working for my dad part time. Renting the apartment out helps us out and at the same time it was able to get Caleb out of his parents house.

We started working on the house mid October so that we could be moved in by oct 31st. The house was built in the 60s and wasn't insulated, so our first project was to insulate the house. We cut out 3 rows of holes between each stud on the outer wall of every room and used Blow-in insulation. Needless to say we had NO CLUE what a task this would be in the end! The only way to imagine the amount of dust this created in our house is to envision your house being put inside a snow globe full of dusk and shake it really really hard! It was EVERYWHERE! You couldn't come inside the house without a mask on. It was sticking to the guys facial hair, eyebrows, ears, everything! We all looked like we had aged about 50 years by the time it was all done. We were sweeping and vacuuming up dusk for days. And filling the holes was another huge task in and of itself. We patched and sanded for another few days and were finally done! We paint the inside of the house from top to bottom, literally, ceiling to baseboards! Daniel tiled 2 bathroom floors and one of the bathrooms showers. We fixed plumbing problems and muddy well water problems.

We have been moved in for about a month now and besides minor details we're having to take care of we love it! Our old house could have fit as a whole in this house's kitchen! It is so spacious and has tons of windows! I will hopefully be able to post some before and after pictures soon!

A lot of stress has come with this remodeling project and Daniel and I are both incredibly exhausted! My poor husband has been sick for about a week also and is just pitiful. Thankfully we've had the time this Thanksgiving weekend to just last around and relax.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post a new blog, but hopefully with explaining the current madness of my life you will cut me some slack!

Rambling at its finest!

Daniel and I have been married almost 2 months and time hasn't slowed down one bit. My head is still spinning and I can barely keep up with what day it is, let alone all of the things that have to be done on those certain days, by a certain time that i can't actually seem to keep up with. I just got used to writing May on everything and here we are a week into June! How did this happen?! Since I've been so bad about blogging lately this may be a random one.....

May 21st my neice and nephew celebrated their 1st birthday! They had a "pool" party and a major sugar high the following Saturday!

As far as work goes I have been permanently at the in-store branch closest to our home since May! I'm not driving all over town, never knowing what branch I'm going to be at the next day. This has been a huge blessing! It means I am generally home before 7:30 every night, but sadly we still don't get to sit down and eat dinner before 8:30ish unless it's leftovers :-( It has rained so much lately I hardly even remember what the sun looks or feels like, and I am in desperate need of some refreshing sunshine! All the rain we've had lately makes me long for a mid afternoon nap, usually during my lunch break, but alas if I did that I would probably not wake back up!

I am hoping in one of the upcoming weekends to get all dressed back up in my wedding dress and have my mom take some more pictures of Daniel and I, this time in Cades Cove! We have been wanting to do this since the wedding but haven't had the time. My mom took some beautiful pictures of my sister in law in her wedding dress there several years ago when her and my brother got married and I have been wanting the same done ever since! Hopefully we'll find the time soon!

Besides running around like a chicken with my head cut off I have been able to do a little crafting/refurbishing in my spare time. My mom and dad have had this old cabinet for years. It's always been moved from room to room and served many different purposes and I DESPERATELY needed its help in my little storage-less kitchen/dinning room! It was lugged up to my house one day and I began sanding it down to the bare wood. I sanded, and I sanded, and I sanded some more! Come to find out that's not green paint on the outside but green stain which had soaked into every pore of the wood! It took me forever to begin to see the light of day (or the natural wood) on this puppy! But finally I was able to paint, position, and fill this little cabinet which now is one of my favorite pieces of furniture in our house! I have filled the cabinet with baking necessities and some of my dessert dishes! And the finished results.....



Forgive me for how utterly random this blog has been but it has felt so good to get some of this out! I haven't done much writing lately but I think this little jaunt down memory lane may help! I've got too much information crammed in this little brain of mine so I need to write it down and make room for more!

Introducing Mr. & Mrs. Dobson!

I cannot believe how long it has taken me to update you all on the wedding! I don't have all my pictures back or tons of time to blog, but I thought I'd give you a sneak peak at what a gorgeous day we were blessed with for our wedding! We have been married 25 days which has passed by in a flash! Life has slowed down quite drastically but still has a ways to go. Most everything went according to plan for our Big Day and we were incredibly blessed with amazing weather! We went to Long Beach, CA for our honeymoon and got to stay on my Uncle and Aunts 71 ft yatch!
Talk about getting pampered! The weather was amazing and we caught up on some much needed sleep. I don't think we made it 20 minutes into any movie we turned on before falling asleep, I guess that can be expected from the swishing and swaying of the waves.

Under construction....

I am in the process of making a new and improved blog for the new and improved MRS. Dobson! :-) hopefully i'll be done soon!

Ten days and counting!

Daniel and I are ten days away from our wedding and we couldn't be more excited! The last few months have been incredibly busy and we've got stress up to our eyeballs! I never imagined how much goes into planning a wedding, not to mention all the other ducks you have to get in a row! Marriage license, rings, name change, insurance, premarital counseling, bridal showers, and so on! I think we have been moving non stop since 2009 arrived, and it seems to quickly be passing us by. It just seemed like the other day we were getting engaged and had almost 200 days to go. But finally the blessed day is within reach! Our family and friends have been so supportive and I know that they are just as ready for this day to get here and be done with! My mom said she's even taking a vacation when this is all over with! I can hardly even recall what has happened over the last few months that i should blog about, but maybe it will come to me one day and I will update you all then! I'm hoping to post some pictures soon of wedding projects I have been working on, not to mention the several pieces of furniture I have painted or am in the process of painting! We are slowly moving Daniel's things into my house, which is quickly beginning to seem much smaller than it did weeks ago...and it wasn't big to begin with! (refer back to my oldest posts where you will find a picture of the house...) We know we won't be here long, and that is a good thing, because the ceiling is barely tall enough that daniel doesn't hit his head on it and the walls are closing in ever so quickly as we carry more and more boxes in. Continue to pray for us as it is now crunch time and we are finishing up all the little details!

Love you all!
Future Mrs. Dobson :)

Life on auto pilot

It has been nine months since I moved back to Sevierville for the second time around. Once again I feel like my life has fallen back into the same humdrum routine. I work, eat, and sleep, and go to church on Sundays. Daniel and I are searching for a new church home and have found one that we like but it seems like lately either one thing or another has one or both of us out of town or for some reason we are running late, yet again. I rarely get the chance to hang out with friends, my time is crammed full of things that have to be done for the wedding or places I have to go or people I have to see in a limited amount of time. I feel like I have been running at full speed and this load won't be lightening up anytime soon. We are 2 1/2 months from our wedding and constantly on the move. I am in desperate need of a vacation, so our honeymoon won't get here soon enough!

This past weekend I was able to go to Atlanta to visit our friends Leonce and Breanna and their adorable little girl Eden. These are the friends that Daniel and I will be helping with a church plant in the near future. As I rounded a turn on the interstate and saw the skyline that extended for miles I was overcome with excitement. In a few months this big city will become our home, currently it is a road map of endless twist and turns and just like our lives I don't know what's around the next bend. I was overwhelmed with emotions most of the weekend. The realization that our lives are about to take a drastic turn from the norm.

I have no idea what to expect once we move, but I know for a fact that it will be an adventure. As I got to hear more of what Leonce's vision is for this church plant I felt honored that he wants Daniel and I to be a part of it. As I soaked in the bathtub Sunday morning before church the tears began to flow. They were full of sadness that I had to leave that afternoon, anxiousness about when we actually will be able to move, and disbelief that I will be involved in something that will truly change people's lives.

Leonce asked me at one point what i thought about being a minster's wife, and I told him it certainly is never the path I thought my life would lead. I am more than up for the challenge and I look forward to every minute of it though. I think back on how many pastor's wives and young adult leader's wives have changed my life and to think that now my life is now going to take that same or a very similar path. It amazes me to think back on where I used to be and see how far I have come in these past few years, even these past few months, and in some cases days.

As we were singing at church I became overwhelmed with this feeling of my life being on auto pilot. I became very saddened as I realized how greatly not being in church weekly and surrounded by Godly friends has taken a toll on my spirit. I have always struggled with being consistent with my quiet time and getting that weekly and bi-weekly pick me up has always helped. I am fervently praying now that over the next few weeks and months God will spark that fire back up inside of me. I know there is alot I have to learn about being a wife, partner, companion, lover, and friend to this wonderful man I am marrying. Please pray along with me that I will continually learn how to be submissive and respectful of my (future) husband. Little by little I am learning how to let my independence go and rely on Daniel who God has chosen to walk through life with me and lead me even when I don't want to follow.

Cut me some slack....

It has been way too long since I have written anything, I am a bad blogger, I know. It's not that I haven't had a desire to write, I just haven't felt like I have much to say. Life is hectic, way more than it has seemed in a very long time. I'm getting married in less that 4 months and I am completely ecstatic! There is so much to do and not enough time or brain power to complete my page long list of tasks, that were supposed to be completed by the end of December. And on top of that my brain still hasn't fully accepted the fact that it is December, and well, almost January! I feel like curve balls are being thrown at me right and left.

After about a month of sleeping through the night I am now back on one of my tangents where I wake up repeatedly throughout the night and wake in the morning only to feel like I haven't fully fallen asleep. On the nights that I do sleep somewhat soundly, my dreams are occupied by thoughts of my little Gram that I lost to cancer almost 3 months ago. These dreams are quite eery, and the morning I wake up from having them he consumes most of my thoughts through the day.

I am up to my eyeballs in stress. It overpowers me, not only mentally but physically. I've cried alot over the past week and only feel like there is more crying to be done. Daniel and I are moving to Atlanta sometime this summer. At the moment we have no idea where we will work or live when this move comes about, but thankfully, none of that is stressing me out. For the first time in my life I am at complete peace about the fact that I have no idea where life is taking us in the near future. Do I have worries here and there? Of course, but am I okay with not being in control? Surprisingly yes. Within the first week that Daniel and I were dating I told him that if he felt God calling us to move, I would follow, and that is exactly where I will find myself in the coming months. Following my husband to a city that I am a stranger to, and standing beside him as he does the work he feels God is calling him to do.

Once again, I feel like I have run out of words to write, or maybe it's just that my brain is too tired to put it's jumbled thoughts into words. I am in need of a serious vacation, even if I don't get to go anywhere. I would settle for a day just to stay home and take part in some of my sadly neglected art/craft projects.

I will try and upload some of our engagement pictures soon! Along with a few of my quickly growing niece and nephew!!

Love you all! Merry Christmas! And in case I fall back into slacker mode, Happy New Year also!

When Harry Met Sally

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."-Harry. This is one of my all-time favorite movies! The thought of old friends turned lovers makes for a great story, I just never imagined that it would become mine. When I moved back to the Smokies in May I never imagined that 3 1/2 months later I would fall in love with the brown eyed, baby faced little boy I met when I was 12. For the past 9 years Daniel and I were friends, but never close ones. We saw each other at church, but rarely outside of that. 4 years ago he started working for my dad building houses. I saw him rarely over those 4 years and didn't keep in much contact with him, but to my suprise 2 years ago he told me he liked me. And what did I do? I turned him down! (We both agree now that this was a really good thing because neither of us were in a good place to be dating anyone, let alone each other.)

Every day I am amazed more and more of God's perfect timing and how he truly does know who and what is best for me. He put this man into my life (again) at a time when we now share the same beliefs and values and goals for our lives. Within a few days after we started dating we agreed it was with the intention of marriage, 2 weeks after that he told me he loved me and a week later my dad gave him his blessing. Less than 8 weeks from our first date he proposed. There is no second guessing, no doubts, only confimation after confirmation that this is the man God intends me to spend the rest of my life with.

A few weeks back we went to a friends wedding reception and the older couple sitting at the table with us were talking about how great it was the bride had found such a wonderful husband. The woman said "sometimes you have to date alot of people to know when the right one comes along", and the man said something that almost brought tears to my eyes, he said "no you don't, you just know." This is something me and Daniel both now agree on completely. When we started dating we said we had asked people how do you know when it's the right one and they always said you just know. We never knew what that meant and always agreed there had to be more too it, but now we both agree, you just know. There is a peace in your heart and in your soul that I just can't explain.

A little white lie and a diamond ring later I am engaged!

Daniel proposed Saturday, October 11th, at the city park where we had our first date! I had been expecting us to go to the jeweller the following Monday because when i called to talk to her earlier in the week she had told me the ring wouldn't be ready yet. But needless to say Daniel had called her before me and told her that whatever she does she MUST lie so i wouldn't know he was getting the ring that week! We had wanted some pictures taken of us at the park so he asked his sister to take some of us when i got off work Saturday. He really stressed Friday night that I dress up for the pictures and that night he also had sweaty palms for the first time since we started dating, I later found out that was because he already had the ring in his truck. We got to the park and took some pictures then his sister had us go down by the river. After a few pictures she had us back up some and I looked up at Daniel and he had this goofy grin on his face and I said what? He pointed to the ground and said what's that? I looked down and the words will you marry me? were spelled out in branches on the ground! I screamed and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! And of course I said YES!!! And since his sister was there we have pictures of the whole thing!!

He's the lucky one....

Everyone knows that death doesn’t ask our permission before it abruptly interrupts our lives, and no matter how much we prepare ourselves for such a time we always feel like the rug has been pulled out from under us when someone close dies. This is exactly what happened to me this week. For 14 months I nannied 3 of the most precious little boys I have ever met while living in Nashville. The youngest was full of energy and emotions, the middle was the strong, silent type, and the oldest was the comedian, the entertainer, the epitome of what it means to live life to the fullest.

All of these children are beautiful, amazing kids who have such a special place in my heart, but the one I want to tell you about today is Gram. Not only was he the comedian and entertainer, he knew no stranger, wherever his feet landed was his stage. Many people who saw him probably would have said that there was something wrong with him, he wasn’t normal, but Gram was more normal and determined and not afraid to be himself than anyone else I have ever met. The fact that he had down syndrome was only a minor detail of his life. It did not define him, or handicap him, it only handicapped those that thought he was any less than what God had created him to be.

On my lunch break Tuesday I received the shocking email that Gram had passed away. Gram is 12 years old, and for the past 8 years he has been receiving treatment for Leukemia. He had relapsed 4 times and the last time was this July. After having been through years of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant there was nothing else that could be done. 3 weeks ago he took a turn for the worst and this Saturday his blood stopped clotting and his liver began shutting down and the doctors told his family there was nothing else they could do. Sunday they were planning on letting him go home Monday to spend his last little while at home, but that afternoon Gram walked through heavens gates.

Today I attended his memorial service. I don’t know about you but there is nothing more morbid to me than having to celebrate the life that was lost, the life of a child. As I walked into the visitation room one wall was lined with the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. A picture of Gram with his dog, one of him playing the banjo, another of him and his little brothers, one where he was all decked out in his top hat and magic wand that surely cast a smile on every face that passed by, and the last picture in the line was of one of Gram’s signature poses, a bow. His final bow. Jokes were told, stories were shared, but nothing beats the memories I have etched in my brain of the times I spent with this precious soul. I have seen him sing and dance many, many times and after each performance he closed with a bow, but none of them compare to the one that was captured in that picture. It saddens me to think that I will never see him bow on this earth again, but I have hope that the next time I see him sing he will be backed up by heavenly angels and it will be his greatest performance yet.

Everytime I hear of someones death and the stories that people begin to share of their life I am reminded of this passage I read months ago...

The Dash
copyright 1996 Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning...to the end. He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own;the cars....the house...the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard...are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real, and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile...remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read with your life's actions to rehash...would you be proud of the things they say about how you spend your dash?

Please keep Gram's family that he left behind in your prayers.

When Vulnerability meets reality

I have to share a funny store with you. I Posted a few weeks ago on how I am having to make myself vulnerable to Daniel and I have been doing a great job at it and I love it, but this weekend I had my biggest vulnerable moment with him. We had gone to Nashville for the weekend and we were staying with my uncle and aunt. We had been at the mall for a little while on Saturday and I started not feeling well. Achy legs, didn't feel like I could hold my body up, just cruddy feeling so we headed home. I tried napping but that didn't work and I got really frustrated. I started talking to Daniel about it and I started feeling incredibly claustrophobic, which is usually the first sign that I am about to have a serious emotional break down. I realized I was so terrified to break down in front of him, not because I was afraid he couldn't handle it, but because I know I push people away when I get upset. I have been feeling the need to cry for weeks now and haven't been able to and I think I have realized that deep down inside I wouldn't cry because I didn't want to push him away. I explained to him that alot of times I feel the need to cry and I don't have anything to cry about and don't know why I feel that way but generally I feel better after a good sob. I told him that I didn't want to tell him I needed space because my heart was saying let him hold you and comfort you but my head was saying you just have to breath. It's when I am held tightly when trying to cry that things get really ugly and I tend to scream in fits of rage. I explained this to him and he asked me why I needed to cry and why I felt I couldn't. After repeating several times 'I don't know I just can't cry' I burst into tears, sobbed my eyes out, explained to him that I don't ever want to be one of those wives that runs and hides at the first sign of conflict and I don't want to hurt him and push him away because I need to breath. Within a few minutes and several sobs later I felt so much better! I told Daniel how crucial this moment was because so far it was my biggest moment of vulnerability. I was allowing him to see part of the cry of my heart, the area that in the past I have been so quick to anger. We talked to my mom about it last night and I explained that when i was younger I didn't care to push my parents away when i was upset because I knew no matter what they would still love me, they would still stay, but at any point Daniel has the ability to leave, even though I know he won't. Saturday night I was talking to my mom on the phone and I told her of my little emotional break down and her first question was 'how's Daniel?' I bust out laughing and said don't worry he's fine. She said is he still going to marry you? And he said Yes, I still love your daughter and I am still going to marry her.....I have a feeling my emotions where my mom's biggest fear also. :)

The next chapter of my life starts right here.....

Here is a picture of me and Daniel at Metcalf Bottoms on Labor Day. I would love to be all mushy and gushy and tell you what a wonderful man he is, but I still am very speechless because of how blessed I am.