It's been 3 weeks since I moved back to the Smokies and I'm settled into my house except for a few areas here and there that still need to be organized. It is so good to be closer to my family and the only part about Nashville I have missed is my church. I haven't gotten to visit any around here yet but I am hoping to do so soon. May 21st my niece and nephew were born and they are amazing and I am so excited to watch them grow and experience the world for the first time. I had a job interview this past week and I should be hearing something back this week. My fingers are crossed that I get this job and will finally be able to settle into somewhat of a routine.
Everything about making a home here feels right, but it feels like something is missing. I am generally a very happy person. I am also a very lonely person. For as long as I can remember I have felt this ache, an ache in my heart, an ache in the pit of my stomache, an ache that I cannot explain. I feel this ache as I lay in bed awake at night just waiting for sleep to take over me, I feel it when I think about love, I feel it when I spend evening after evening alone. I have never been good at relationships, whether between friends or loves. I am one of those people who cares deeply for others close to me. This care has been mistaken by some and pushed aside by many, yet that ache for them to feel the same way remains the same. I don't like to be lonely, I don't want to be lonely, yet even in a room full of people, somehow I still manage to feel lonely.