Wednesday, April 30, 2008

100 Things

I stole this from Mary's (Peaches and Posh) blog because it looked like fun!

1. I just got back from vacation in Long Beach, CA
2. I moved to the Smoky Mountains the day after I got back from vacation
3. I hate bugs!
4. I live in a cottage!
5. I can't wait to start a big garden!
6. I have a dog
7. I'm hoping to get a kitten once i get settled in
8. I have nannied 6 kids over the past 2 years.
9. I will be an aunt to twins any day now!
10. I'm thrilled I will be living close to them and get to watch them grow up!
11. I adore kids and can't wait to have my own!
12. I have drank coffee since I was 4 and I can't live without it!
13. I am only 5 feet tall
14. I love decorating!
15. I love baking and can't wait to do more in my new kitchen
16. I have 2 tattoos
17. I have 12 piercings
18. I used to have my nose pierced
19. I am in the process of writing a children's book series
20. I am working on illustrating my children's book series
21. I want nothing more than to be a mom
22. I am patiently waiting on my Mr. wonderful, though annoyed that I haven't met him yet
23. Against my will I have become a morning person
24. I am allergic to animals
25. I have never in my life not had a pet
26. I love to rock climb
27. I have been sea kayaking
28. I have sleep issues
29. I go to California once a year but I would like to make it every six months
30. I feel naked without my phone, it's always with me and never turned off
31. I used to play soccer
32. I used to play piano, flute, and clarinet
33. I have a bulging disk in my lower back
34. I get sunburns very easily if I don't wear sunscreen
35. I religiously put on sunscreen
36. I've only gotten my hair cut by a pro once
37. I love airports and flying!
38. I like watching people and how they interact
39. Pedicures are the best but I don't get them often :(
40. I have more guy friends than girl friends
41. My handwritting looks like that of a 4 years old
42. I am OCD
43. I love anything outdoors
44. I don't drink enough water (or any drink) to equal 8 glasses a day
45. I have never been water skiing
46. I generally enjoy having conversations with older adults rather than people my age
47. I cannot roll my tongue
48. I cannot roll my "R"s
49. I took 2 years of spanish and can hardly remember a lick of it
50. I love to write
51. I love to go to thrift stores
52. I recently got an old record player!
53. I am in the process of growing my record collection
54. I love sign language, I am trying to learn more because I would love to become fluent
55. I will teach my kids sign lanuguage
56. I want 3 or 4 kids
57. My dad, my brother, and Taylor are my heros
58. I am afraid of drowning
59. I hate clowns
60. I love to paint
61. I love butterflies!
62. I would love to open up a dessert shop one day
63. Mellow Mushroom is one of my all time favorite places to eat
64. I have had a bird for 14 years
65. I am eccentric
66. I love musicals
67. I have a wide range of favorite music
68. I own way too many movies
69. I love taking pictures
70. I like to have background noise while working on things
71. I get freaked out/scared easily
72. I love watching Will & Grace
73. I love banana bread!
74. I don't like looking out windows at night
75. I love buying old furniture and fixing it up
76. My favorite cake is a seven layer swiss chocolate cake with cream cheese icing!
77. I've only been snow skiing once
78. I have a shoe addiction
79. I am running out of doors to hang my shoe rack things on
80. My favorite word is Serenity
81. Richard Gere is one of my favorite actors! (and he's such a hottie!)
82. I adore Julia Roberts
83. I am a vegetarian
84. I love to read
85. I will probably have arthritis one day from texting too much
86. I have asthma
87. I love to go walking
88. I don't have a favorite color, I love them all!
89. My closet is color-coordinated by the rainbow (ROY G BIV)
90. I LOVE cream cheese icing on my brownies (chewy not dry)!
91. I think pregnant women are beautiful, I can't wait to be pregnant!
92. I write myself alot of little notes to remind myself of things I need to do
93. I love my mom's homemade mac & cheese
94. Eddie Izzard is my favorite comedian
95. I LOVE flowers! Especially Daisys
96. I eat alot of small meals throughout the day
97. I'd rather eat cookie dough than baked cookies
98. My family mean the world to me
99. I love bubbles
100. I have red hair!

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Transitional Home

I moved to Nashville almost 2 years ago, July 1, 2006. A few months after I moved here I had lunch with a friend I had met at church and during lunch she told me how she feels that for many people Nashville is a transitional home. She said people are constantly coming and going but few people stay here for more than just a few years. At the time I didn't think of Nashville as a transitional home, I came with no agenda, time frame, or intention to leave. As I recalled this conversation in my head last night I realized that nashville became just that, a transitional place that I called home. I am now trying to figure out what Nashville is to me and what it has to do with my story. I have attended a great church up here, received more than my fair share of training for motherhood, and I have gotten much needed experience in living on my own and taking care of myself.

The things I have done and the people I have met while living in Nashville make me so thankful for that transition, but other than the fact that i will be much closer to my family, I am now wondering what it is that the Smokies have in store for me. The first time I moved there it was my parents choice, and I was not happy to say the least, but this time it is my choice. This time around I am older, I feel wiser, but more than anything I feel confused. It is very odd for me to be moving back to a city that I have already lived in for 7 years and basically starting from scratch. I still have a few friends (and all of my family) in the area, but other than that I will be on my own. I'm on the lookout for a job, a church, friends, and a husband (hahaha, sorry, had to throw that last one in there for my mom!).

I mentioned to one of my pastor friends at church last night that I was moving and he said 'let me ask you this, what is it that you want to do with your life? Other than be a wife and a mother?' I was instantly taken back when he said this because if you were to ask those closest to me what I want more than anything in the world they would answer 'to be a wife and a mother'. This is where most of my confusion lies. I feel that that is my purpose, but until those two dreams come true, I don't know what I am supposed to do with my life. I'm searching. Searching for security, purpose, a place where I will feel and be needed. I am searching most of all for what I lose most often, my joy.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Art, or something like it

As I drove from Nashville to the Smoky Mountains today I thought alot about my love of art. Last weekend I painted a very large tree on the wall of my (soon to be) niece and nephews bedroom. It takes alot to get my creative juices flowing and even more energy to actually begin and complete a project. I often think of things I want to paint or make, but hardly ever do with the feeling that I will not have time or energy to complete it, and I hate leaving something half done. As i prepare to move into my new little cottage I can't help but be excited about the thought of stand on my deck, behind an easel, wearing clothes covered in crusty old paint from previous projects, and painting the mountain that is so perfectly framed by the trees infront of me.

During the short time I attended UT almost all of my classes were art classes. I enjoyed the process of starting from scratch and creating something totally original, however I did not like the grading process. Art is all about ones interpretation of the object infront of them. I find it hard to put a lable or grade with something that may look different to each person that passes it. For instance, two painters may be asked to paint a replica of the same picture. One painting may turn out to look idential to the picture it reflects, while the other may look completely different. This however does not mean that the painter who painted the different looking picture is any less talented than the first. Through the eyes of the second painter, they may have painted exactly what they saw. Interpretating art also makes me think of when a child colors a picture and asks you if you like it. You relpy yes and ask what it is and the child will probably look up at you bewildered and say well don't you know? Or can't you see it? It may look like a yellow squiggly in a blue circle to you, but to them it its duck swimming in a pond on a spring day.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My New (Soon to be) Home Sweet Home!

With a great deal of thought and an abundant amount of stress I have decided to move back to the Smoky Mountains to be closer to my family! With a little negotiating I was able to break my lease and with the help of my parents I have a place to live when I move back east on May 10th! The picture above is of the little cottage I will be renting! It's the perfect size for me and my dog and has an amazing view of the valley below and the mountain across from me! When the decision to move was finalized this past weekend I only had 3 1/2 weeks to pack and one of those weeks I will be vacationing in California, so needless to say I feel like I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it! When I get my my set on something like moving I make myself frantically busy to make the time pass faster. I have almost everything already packed, if only I could move this weekend.... :( Once I get all my stuff moved in and decorated I'll post pictures!


Saturday, April 5, 2008

Upside down, inside out, and backwards....

That is the phrase I would use to describe the direction I feel my life is in right now. My sense of gravity is lost and I’m not sure of I’m headed up or down or if I’m even moving at all. I am feeling an urge to move, which I can’t do for another year because of my lease, but I am not sure if I am supposed to or not. I have wanted for many years now to live in California and I have been considering this a lot lately. I know that when I am married and have children I can’t pick up and move whenever I want to, so now, me being single and childless, seems like a good time. But there’s this teeny tiny other dilemma, I am about to become an aunt to twins, a boy and girl I cannot wait for the arrival of these TWO bundles of joy and this makes me want to move back east to be closer to my family. I love my family more than anything in the world and being close to them makes me feel whole.

I am also dealing with the fact that I am not sure if I am supposed to nanny anymore. I am beginning to feel overwhelmingly exhausted, mentally and physically, and I desperately long to work with people of a mature age. I want to feel like I have energy left for my own kids, I don’t want them to come around and me think “been there done that, seen it all before.” I want to look at my first baby in awe, the way the youngest I nanny makes me every now and then, and be amazed at how quickly they grown, and learn, and catch onto things.

If I don’t continue to nanny I have no clue what I will do for a living and this frightens me. I am trying to compile a list of jobs and skills I have to help narrow my search for my next job, and I am feeling incredibly uneasy at the thought of having to do anything that cramps me in a small room behind a desk.. I love working with people, though they do tend to try my patience, but then again, even I test the limits my patience.