Monday, June 13, 2011

Long time, no see.....

Well here it is, June 13th, almost 1 year since I took a hiatus from this little blog of mine to focus on the baby growing inside of me and share my excitement over at Oh Da Baby! Motherhood is simply breathtaking. It's all I imagined it would be and much more! Becoming a mom and focusing day in and day out on my daughter has made me also think a lot about myself. Where would my life be if I hadn't moved back "home" 3 years ago. Would I have experienced all the things I long for deep down in my soul? Would I have made up for lack of marriage and a baby with traveling and writing? Would I indulge my love of photography more, paint more, have more close-knit friends? I've thought a lot about "What ifs" as I've had extra time on my hands during long naps and playtime on the living room floor. Would my life be more or less? LESS. Much, much less!

In knowing this I also know my life is more than just diaper changer, "milk wagon", rattle shaker. I am my own person, more than just a mother. I can't just finish were I left off and now live vicariously through my daughter. Yes I have many hopes and dreams for her. Hopes that she'll live adventurously with reckless abandon and the smarts of a woman who knows her heart. I dream that she will get to do some of the things I never did, things I was too afraid to do. I pray she won't make some of the horrendous decision I made in my past.

In pondering all of the things I want for my daughter I have opened my eyes back to the things I wanted for myself. I want to volunteer at a hospital, gather a team for Relay For Life, start an Etsy shop, give more gifts, write a children's book series, tell stories through photography, see the world, own a VW camper, learn sign language. The list doesn't end in these words I write, it is ever growing and changing. I want to make sure I remain involved in hobbies I love so that one day when my children go off, get married and begin families of their own I don't end up saying now what? I know there will not always be tomorrow, so I better get a start on things right now.

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