Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Life on auto pilot

It has been nine months since I moved back to Sevierville for the second time around. Once again I feel like my life has fallen back into the same humdrum routine. I work, eat, and sleep, and go to church on Sundays. Daniel and I are searching for a new church home and have found one that we like but it seems like lately either one thing or another has one or both of us out of town or for some reason we are running late, yet again. I rarely get the chance to hang out with friends, my time is crammed full of things that have to be done for the wedding or places I have to go or people I have to see in a limited amount of time. I feel like I have been running at full speed and this load won't be lightening up anytime soon. We are 2 1/2 months from our wedding and constantly on the move. I am in desperate need of a vacation, so our honeymoon won't get here soon enough!

This past weekend I was able to go to Atlanta to visit our friends Leonce and Breanna and their adorable little girl Eden. These are the friends that Daniel and I will be helping with a church plant in the near future. As I rounded a turn on the interstate and saw the skyline that extended for miles I was overcome with excitement. In a few months this big city will become our home, currently it is a road map of endless twist and turns and just like our lives I don't know what's around the next bend. I was overwhelmed with emotions most of the weekend. The realization that our lives are about to take a drastic turn from the norm.

I have no idea what to expect once we move, but I know for a fact that it will be an adventure. As I got to hear more of what Leonce's vision is for this church plant I felt honored that he wants Daniel and I to be a part of it. As I soaked in the bathtub Sunday morning before church the tears began to flow. They were full of sadness that I had to leave that afternoon, anxiousness about when we actually will be able to move, and disbelief that I will be involved in something that will truly change people's lives.

Leonce asked me at one point what i thought about being a minster's wife, and I told him it certainly is never the path I thought my life would lead. I am more than up for the challenge and I look forward to every minute of it though. I think back on how many pastor's wives and young adult leader's wives have changed my life and to think that now my life is now going to take that same or a very similar path. It amazes me to think back on where I used to be and see how far I have come in these past few years, even these past few months, and in some cases days.

As we were singing at church I became overwhelmed with this feeling of my life being on auto pilot. I became very saddened as I realized how greatly not being in church weekly and surrounded by Godly friends has taken a toll on my spirit. I have always struggled with being consistent with my quiet time and getting that weekly and bi-weekly pick me up has always helped. I am fervently praying now that over the next few weeks and months God will spark that fire back up inside of me. I know there is alot I have to learn about being a wife, partner, companion, lover, and friend to this wonderful man I am marrying. Please pray along with me that I will continually learn how to be submissive and respectful of my (future) husband. Little by little I am learning how to let my independence go and rely on Daniel who God has chosen to walk through life with me and lead me even when I don't want to follow.