A Transitional Home

I moved to Nashville almost 2 years ago, July 1, 2006. A few months after I moved here I had lunch with a friend I had met at church and during lunch she told me how she feels that for many people Nashville is a transitional home. She said people are constantly coming and going but few people stay here for more than just a few years. At the time I didn't think of Nashville as a transitional home, I came with no agenda, time frame, or intention to leave. As I recalled this conversation in my head last night I realized that nashville became just that, a transitional place that I called home. I am now trying to figure out what Nashville is to me and what it has to do with my story. I have attended a great church up here, received more than my fair share of training for motherhood, and I have gotten much needed experience in living on my own and taking care of myself.

The things I have done and the people I have met while living in Nashville make me so thankful for that transition, but other than the fact that i will be much closer to my family, I am now wondering what it is that the Smokies have in store for me. The first time I moved there it was my parents choice, and I was not happy to say the least, but this time it is my choice. This time around I am older, I feel wiser, but more than anything I feel confused. It is very odd for me to be moving back to a city that I have already lived in for 7 years and basically starting from scratch. I still have a few friends (and all of my family) in the area, but other than that I will be on my own. I'm on the lookout for a job, a church, friends, and a husband (hahaha, sorry, had to throw that last one in there for my mom!).

I mentioned to one of my pastor friends at church last night that I was moving and he said 'let me ask you this, what is it that you want to do with your life? Other than be a wife and a mother?' I was instantly taken back when he said this because if you were to ask those closest to me what I want more than anything in the world they would answer 'to be a wife and a mother'. This is where most of my confusion lies. I feel that that is my purpose, but until those two dreams come true, I don't know what I am supposed to do with my life. I'm searching. Searching for security, purpose, a place where I will feel and be needed. I am searching most of all for what I lose most often, my joy.