Well here it is, June 13th, almost 1 year since I took a hiatus from this little blog of mine to focus on the baby growing inside of me and share my excitement over at
Oh Da Baby! Motherhood is simply breathtaking. It's all I imagined it would be and much more! Becoming a mom and focusing day in and day out on my daughter has made me also think a lot about myself. Where would my life be if I hadn't moved back "home" 3 years ago. Would I have experienced all the things I long for deep down in my soul? Would I have made up for lack of marriage and a baby with traveling and writing? Would I indulge my love of photography more, paint more, have more close-knit friends? I've thought a lot about "What ifs" as I've had extra time on my hands during long naps and playtime on the living room floor. Would my life be more or less? LESS. Much, much less!
In knowing this I also know my life is more than just diaper changer, "milk wagon", rattle shaker. I am my own person, more than just a mother. I can't just finish were I left off and now live vicariously through my daughter. Yes I have many hopes and dreams for her. Hopes that she'll live adventurously with reckless abandon and the smarts of a woman who knows her heart. I dream that she will get to do some of the things I never did, things I was too afraid to do. I pray she won't make some of the horrendous decision I made in my past.
In pondering all of the things I want for my daughter I have opened my eyes back to the things I wanted for myself. I want to volunteer at a hospital, gather a team for Relay For Life, start an Etsy shop, give more gifts, write a children's book series, tell stories through photography, see the world, own a VW camper, learn sign language. The list doesn't end in these words I write, it is ever growing and changing. I want to make sure I remain involved in hobbies I love so that one day when my children go off, get married and begin families of their own I don't end up saying now what? I know there will not always be tomorrow, so I better get a start on things right now.
"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean." These lyrics ring in my head every time I set foot in the sand. I think sometimes I forget the vastness of our planet. Coming home from our recent trip to the beach I realize how much we take the beauty of creation for granted. Going to the ocean there's anticipation, excitement, joy in the memories the salty air and crashing waves brings us. I believe if you live at the beach you eventually lose the wonderment it brings you, unlike if you only visited it once a year. I pondered all of this as I walked my dog last night, looking up at the mountain to the left of my house. I looked up with appreciation and a smile at the place that I call home. The mountains I take for granted. Some days I wish I lived in the city where I didn't have to go into "town," curvy roads were optional, and a quick trip took less than an hour. I live in a place that others (usually from Florida) come to for vacation in the same way that I got to the beach to get away from the normalcy of life. Why is it that I forget to appreciate these mountains every day?
Daisy woke around 6AM this morning and after I brought her to our bed I saw the most amazing sherbert orange glow out our bedroom window. I grabbed my camera and as I ran in my pajamas and barefoot across the wet lawn I prayed my neighbors were still sleeping.
